Not Well
by jorooks
Summary: <html><head></head>A troubled girl from the Doctor's past reappears in a state of distress. Doctor/OC. Future incarnation. Drifting.</html>
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: What do I own? Do I own my shoes? My knowledge? Myself?

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><p><strong>Prologue<strong>

The girl jumped, like leap frog around the room, grinning maniacally. Her appearance was curious. Long hair was piled into a mound atop her head with bits spiking out, her bare feet slapped on the floor as she continued jumping. A headband across her forehead sporting dangling feathers, rolled up jeans with a shawl wrapped around her waist and a simple white tank-top; her semblance complete with a live snake on her wrist. Her eyes were a warm, yellow-brown, her skin tan, and her tied hair brunette, streaked with sun-bleached blond. She was golden.

The room was itself was covered in shiny chrome, quite a futuristic one of sorts. Flashing buttons lined the walls. A lifeless figure slumped against a panel of switches. The body was odd and quite large, with a bulbous head and short, elephantine blue hairs covering the skin, but had no clear sign of injury.

There were two exits to the room, one on each side. An increasing amount of ruckus was heard coming from one, the sound of heavy footsteps and angered shouts. The girl stopped her movement and her features dropped into a cold, menacing snarl as she twirled around to face the aforementioned door.

And yet, as voices got closers and bodies filled the door, as a warrior's scream flew from the girls mouth and a brilliant wave of gold light rippled outwards from her form, as bodies dropped to the floor and the girl's features remained a cruel mask, her golden eyes showed sadness. Sadness beyond measure. Sadness, empathy, pity, hurt, pain.

She let out a broken, mournful sob as she too crashed to the floor, the room left quiet and still.

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><p>A well trained eye scanned the scene. It saw death, no life from the scattered figures in the room. Stepping over the masses blocking the door, this man walked to the center of the room. He could feel it. The skeleton of the once-energy, much like the ring around a bath. His let his senses feel around for the center point and found himself drawn to the middle of the room.<p>

Hands thrust in pockets, he strolled towards the center of the room, coming to a halt a few feet away. He looked down and his eyes became soft and pained as he fixed his gaze at the center. Kneeling down, he put his arm out to stroke air. His hand hovered until his fingers grabbed purchase and he pulled up.

As his arm lifted, a shape shimmered into focus, that of a girl sprawled on the floor. The man looked at the object in his hand before tucking it into the inside of his coat. He looked back down at the girl. Her face was relaxed, her eyes closed, and she emanated of the bittersweet. She was beautifully innocent in sleep. A trickle of bright red blood trailed down the side of her mouth, and the man wiped it away with his thumb.

"Ksi", he whispered, trailing off and shutting his eyes tightly. Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes and leaned over the girl, gathering her petite frame in his arms and stood up. Eyes ahead, he once again stepped over the lifeless forms and walked out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I refuse to own anything. It neglects their rights. Humph.

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

The girl woke to the snake tickling her cheek.

"Nago", she mumbled, brushing her hand to her face, "quit..." She didn't want to get up, not at this moment. To stay in the blissful half-consciousness she so possessed right now was her only wish.

However, recent events caught up to her and she jolted upright, looking around warily for the irritating bunch of pussy-willows that called themselves Elricorico. She realized very quickly, however, that a) there were no Elricorico to be seen, b) her surroundings were seemingly completely unfamiliar, and c) she was standing on a jumpseat.

Her guard still up, she took in her surroundings. A large room with immensely tall ceilings; the most unusual sort of architecture - geometric and natural, twisting, with an orange-golden sort of glow; a very prominent control panel in the very center of it all. And not a creature to be seen, besides herself and Nago.

She jumped off the seat onto the raised grating. Glancing around again she noticed the many doors and exits, however she headed towards the controls. Nago curled around her neck, she approached and circled around it, taking in the high degree of technology, technology she knew native only to one place, the -

"Don't touch that", a voice said as she reached for a knob. Startled, she whipped around towards the sad, cold voice with a furious glare for whoever was responsible for abducting her to this strange place.

But the moment she saw the man standing behind a railing looking down at her, her expression dropped into one of utter shock.

The man above her was tall, lanky, and had a curly mess of dark hair. He wore a creased suit vest and an untied tie; his feet bore a pair of Oxford flat shoes. He looked tired; his eye were deep wells of pain and heartache, so deeply painful as he looked at her as he descended the stairs to come to stand in front of her.

Her mouth was open in a small 'o' shape. Her brows were creased together in confusion as she tried to tie the knots. He waited patiently for her conclusion, his face blank yet his eyes windows to his sorrow.

Her eyes flickered from the inside of the control room to the subtle heartbeat of four she could hear. Her eyes grew from confused to saddened, finally a tear trickled down her cheek. She shut her eyes and began to crumple before the man quickly caught her in his arms. She buried her face in his chest as she shook with silent sobs and he stroked her now-loose hair, shutting eyes of his own in mute pain. Snake twisted around her ear.

Her shaking softened and the man looked down expectantly for her face, but was surprised by an almighty shove from her. He stumbled backwards and looked at her face. The ferocity of her expression was white-hot, her lips curled back in a snarl. He looked on calmly, only enraging her more. A scream of pain, rage, anger, and sorrow escaped her lips and she launched herself onto the man, punching him in the jaw before beating his chest relentlessly. He allowed her to continue for a few moments before grabbing her wrists in his hands. She struggled to rid his grip.

"Ksi, please", he whispered. Her struggling ceased and he let go of her wrists. They dropped to the side and she glared dejectedly down at the ground. He sighed and took her chin with a finger and made her look up at him. Her bottom lip quivered and she avoided eye contact, but all emotion that should have been evident was no where to be seen as she spoke.

"You've regenerated. How long has it been for you?", her question muted by her cold monotone. He continued to gaze down at her, willing her to look at him. She remained despondent.

"Decades."

She let out a sad, helpless sob before speaking.

"A year. Barely. One year since...", she trailed off, then gazed up at him furiously. "And you left me! Stranded, imprisoned, hopeless!", she cried, her voice cracking. "Was I not worthy? Did it shame you? Do you look at me in disgust?", she sneered, then became somber, "It was what had to be done. I was just the only one prepared to make the sacrifice. The only one who cared enough..."

The man's expression was stony as he met her piercing gaze. "Ksi, do not assume you were the only martyr. Do not disregard the thousands of lives thrown away. Your struggles were not singular, and don't you dare say so", he said, fury seeping into his voice, "Efforts were exhausted. Everyone did all they could do", he concluded with a sigh, looking down.

She held her gaze at his face.

"Did you, Doctor?"

The Doctor's eyes shot up. "I...", he trailed, "It doesn't make a difference. They live on."

Ksi looked at him sharply. "How can you say that? It makes all the difference! You know! You saw what would have happened, Doctor, I know you did. Do not deny what is plain to see, please."

She sighed, looking at him. He avoided her gaze, stuffing one hand into a pocket and walking around her to the controls, fiddling with switches and looking half-heartedly at the monitor. Ksi turned to face him.

"Doctor...", she said softly. He made no move to acknowledge her. "Fine. Bloody lovely seeing you again. You can take me back now. Or just drop me off wherever the hell is good for you. It's not like it matters what happens to me." Ksi crossed her arms and sat in a huff on the jump seat, burning a hole in the Doctor's back.

"What happened to you?", the Doctor asked, still fiddling the controls. He pulled a switch and the room shook and jerked, the characteristic noise filling the ship.

"Your driving still is terrible", Ksi mumbled as she pulled herself up from the floor when the lurching stopped. The Doctor turned around and faced her.

"What happened?", he repeated. Ksi gave him a glancing look, then began to play with Nago as the snake slithered between her fingers. After a moment, she responded.

"As much as I am a 'cold, heartless, murderer'", she said, giving him a fleeting glance, "I am not so cold and heartless as to tell you what I have experienced after our last encounter, Doctor. I know you could never forgive yourself." Ksi remained nonchalant, though her eyes betrayed her pain from the memories. The Doctor frowned.

"What happened, Ksi", the Doctor demanded. Ksi shook her head. "What happened?", he strained.

"Please, Doctor", she whispered, looking down, "don't ask."

He gave her a lasting glance. "Not today", he said, then turned away to sit on the jump seat, crossing his arms and looking at her. "Why did I find you unconscious on the floor of an Elricorican ship?", he asked sternly.

Ksi sobered up and glared at him. "I was with the Elricorico under agreement. It was a mutual understanding", she said coldly.

The Doctor frowned. "Every single Elricorico aboard that ship was dead when I arrived. I wouldn't dare call that mutual or understanding", the Doctor stated. Her eye widened, then narrowed.

"Good intentions", she said blandly.

The Doctor gave her a cynical smile. "How is it that I do not believe you?", he asked, a hint of malice poisoning his words. Ksi gave a small smirk and shrugged.

"I see decades hasn't changed much for your trust in me, Doctor", she said.

"Nor your habits, Ksi. Did you not learn your lesson?", the minute the words left his mouth, the Doctor's eyes filled with regret. Ksi turned her head away.

"Don't you dare, Doctor", she whispered, "You have no position. No right."

He looked at her, pained. "Ksi, I'm -"

"Just let me leave, Doctor, please", she said, her voice cracking. She started to sob, sinking to the floor. The Doctor looked on in pity as she brought her hands up to her head and dug her fingers in. Her cries came out in broken sobs and staggered intakes of breath as tears ran down her face.

Suddenly, she became silent. Claws still tangled in her hair, she looked up at the Doctor sitting on the jump seat with wide eyes full of horror. Her mouth opened in a silent scream. The Doctor stood up and went over to her, kneeling and looking directly into her wide eyes. He pried her hands from her scalp and took her head in his hand.

"Ksi, I am going to help you. Be calm, relax, I am going to look into your mind. Relax", he said, closing his eyes to concentrate.

The Doctor felt into her mind with awe and horror. The mainstream of memories from her past year inundated her frontal cortex; images of pain, of screaming, of torture. Things flashed by too horrific and sickening to describe.

"Oh, Ksi, I am so sorry", the Doctor whispered. But he was not concerned for her ability to cope with these memories, it was what lay hidden, feeding off them, that the Doctor was worried about. He pushed past the memories and strained to find the monster within. Brows furrowed in concentration, the Doctor felt deeper and deeper.

"Gotcha", he said, wincing.

He had found it. It was terrifying. It lashed out at the Doctor's mind, hissing poison words and clawing with sharp memories. So loud, so powerful, so painful. It was literally part of Ksi's mind, an infestation that had grown and festered, driving her into the deep.

The Doctor clenched his teeth. He could not kill it. That would kill her. Looking at his options, the Doctor decided. With all his strength of mind he forced the demon away, and with one last effort, shut it behind a door.

It was rising a storm behind the door, but it was out of sight, out of mind for the moment. He could feel Ksi relax into unconsciousness and slump into his arms as the weight was lifted for the time being.

The Doctor withdrew from her mind and stood, cradling her small and vulnerable looking body in his arms. Her brow glistened with perspiration and she looked exhausted. He stepped upstairs and asked his ship to bring his room up front. Stepping in the door, he laid Ksi on the bed, where she subconsciously relaxed into the mattress. A tear glistened on her cheek and the Doctor wiped it away with his thumb before softly brushing his lips against her forehead.

He backed out of the room and turned towards the controls. After fiddling with a dial, he slammed his fists on the console.

The Doctor had lied. It hadn't been decades. No, decades would have been a blessing.

It had been centuries.

And it was painful. Painful beyond imagine, watching her walk, stand, talk, yell, cry, scream, breath. She was so young. And so broken.

Broken by demons, broken by power, broken by loss, broken by torture, broken by betrayal.

So broken.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I admit to owning my mind and my ideas... OWNAGE!

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

Ksi woke in a pool.

The moment upon rising into her full conscious state, she lost her balance from her perch on the pool's edge and tumbled head over heels into the waters. Emerging spitting out water and gasping for breath she was now wide awake.

Bloody sleep-walking.

Ksi proceeded to take a couple laps before hopping out, dripping water. She did the best she could to wring out her hair. She discarded her shawl and deemed headband lost in the wake-up tumble before setting off.

She froze in mid-step.

Where was she? Ksi racked her memory of the beforetime.

She gasped as it came back to her. The Elricorico, the Doctor. She remembered their conversation, if one could call it such. She remembered how it ended.

So many emotions rushed through her all at once. Frustration, sadness, gratitude, happiness, anger.

She was fixed. At least, she felt fixed. Better than she had in a long time. The constant stream of memories, thoughts, and emotions were now muted, she could tell. She was happy for that, but cautiously happy. And grateful to the Doctor...

The Doctor. She was not sure whether to claw his eyes out or hug him when she saw him.

The Doctor... so many endless days had passed, days that had been forced into months into years. Years of pain and sadness. But for him, it was more. She could barely recognize him. She missed a regeneration! Decades, he had said. Fury whispered around her. He really had left her to rot in hell. Left her as if she were nothing to care about. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to him.

Ksi held in a sob. No. She was strong. Tears had already been shed, there need be no more. She knew he didn't care. When she was being tortured by those hell-ridden monsters, when he didn't come back, she knew. As she was screaming in pain and he didn't come despite her silent prayers, she already knew, and she was past that.

And she was better, too.

Ksi walked into the control room for to find the Doctor. He was nowhere to be seen.

"Doctor?", Ksi called hesitantly, looking around. The Doctor popped his head up from below deck the raised platform grating. He assessed her appearance with a raised eyebrow.

"Why are you soaking wet?", he asked. Ksi blushed furiously.

"I fell in the pool", she mumbled. The Doctor snorted a curt laugh but was silenced by Ksi sharp glare.

"The TARDIS has changed", she said casually, looking around, "Almost didn't recognize her at first. You better have been good to her, Doctor." The Doctor smiled as he emerged from below.

"Of course", he said, then his expression became serious. "How are you feeling, Ksi?"

She looked at him before slowly descending the stairs and breezily circled the console with her hand out, her fingers lingering on the controls.

"You know what, Doctor?", she said calmly, "I've decided. I've decided I am mad at you." The Doctor's eyes narrowed in concern, but Ksi continued on. "You had no right to barge into my head without my confirmation, roam my memories, edit my brain, and sift through my mind", she said, her voice raising. She had reached him on her slow stroll around the controls and stood directly in front of him. She looked up and held his gaze. "But", she said softly, "thank you. Thank you, Doctor." He smiled at her and swept her into a hug. She hesitated for a moment but returned it with a faint, content sigh as she smiled softly into his chest.

"I'm sorry", he murmured, then pulled her away and held her at arms length, looking into her eyes. "What do you say we give the old girl a spin, eh? Old times sake. Any place, you choose", he smiled. She returned it sadly.

Oh, to walk the planets with him once again. Wander the stars, taste the space, stand in the light of the universe. With him. It would be bliss... and it would be torture. She was corrupt. She had been altered into a being of death, destruction, and evil. And he... he was anything but. He would look at her, as he did now, like she was an abomination. Foul and disgusting. He had already left her. And he never does seconds.

And she had barely gotten over the shock of seeing him once again!

"Oh, Doctor, I am uncertain of that proposition's prosperity", she told him, trying to ease it down because she still did care about him deep down and didn't want to hurt him with harsh words. She supposed it was in vain, though. The Doctor always knew what she was thinking. He mentioned this.

"Don't spare me, Ksi", he said. She knew he was only asking her out of guilt, and she was unsure of what she should feel of that. Happy? Ashamed?

"Well, it's just..." She struggled for words. "Don't do anything you don't want to. I don't want to burden you and... It really didn't work out very nicely last time, did it?" She knew she was being partially cryptic, but she had confidence the Doctor would know what she meant. She balanced her thoughts a bit more, then came to a decision. "You know what? How about I just step outside here..." She scurried on over to the police-box doors.

"No, Ksi, wait."

She opened the doors. The TARDIS was parked outside an empty steam-tech metropolis.

"I do want you to come", he said behind her and she felt a hand on her shoulder. She slowly turned around to see him in front of her. His eyes begged. Instead of avoiding them, she looked in deeper, searching for some doubt, uncertainty, unease, falsities.

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><p>The Doctor stood still as she analyzed him like he knew she would. He tried to remain as natural as possible. She was on the verge of stepping out the door, and it had been so long since he saw her last. And he knew that once she walked out those doors he could never trace her back.<p>

She sighed and looked down and he knew she reached her decision. He remained patient. The door was still open and it took the Doctor everything to restrain from grabbing her away and slamming them shut.

She looked back up at him, her features void of emotion.

"Doctor." His name whispered from her lips was colorless but he thought she sounded tired. He leaned forward, desperate to hear the next words she was going to say. Stay or go? "Doctor... I'm sorry", she whispered. The Doctor shut his eyes in an attempt to block it away, wishing against it, but he felt her hand slip into his. He opened his eyes and looked down at her.

"I will respect your decision", he said, his voice hoarse, "but please, Ksi. Stay?" He lingered with the last bit of hope.

She shook her head.

His hearts very nearly broke. So close.

A suddenness came to him and he quickly leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. He wrapped his arms around her, clinging to last moments. He felt her lips move beneath his and he savored the time before she broke away.

Giving him one last glance she stepped backwards out of the TARDIS and snapped her fingers. The doors shut and the Time Rotor began to move.

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><p>Ksi watched as the box disappeared and listened to the beautiful sound as it faded away.<p>

A tear trickled down her cheek.

She brushed it away.


End file.
